Life with a Preemie

My son was born at 29 weeks 4 days after an otherwise perfect pregnancy.  I thought I had the flu.  My husband wanted me to go to the hospital, and bam!  Two hours later my son was here. 

I didn’t even have time to stop and reflect on how serious it was because it happened so fast and I was in a lot of pain (I opted to not have any drugs for pain).  But a few hours later, after my body issues were settled and I was put into a postpartum room, it suddenly hit me.  I was one of the only women in that ward who didn’t have their baby next to my bed.  Physically I felt great (I had a natural delivery with no complications with my body), but mentally I quickly became a mess. 

I had plans to breastfeed my baby, but obviously that wasn’t going to work with my baby in the NICU.  Luckily the hospital had great lactation nurses, and they set me up with a hospital grade pump.  But still…the idea of putting plastic shields on my breasts instead of my little, helpless baby made me cry several times in the beginning.  I had to pull it together; providing my milk was one of the only things I could do for my little guy. 

My son is still in the NICU (he’s almost three weeks old now), but he’s doing great.  I’ve been practicing  non-nutrititve sucking with him (he gets to suck on my breast just for the practice), and it was the most amazing experience to see him enjoying himself.

So I’ve learned a few life stories.  First, you can’t plan everything.  I conceived my son with such set plans (he’d be due in March, and since I’m a teacher I’d get to be with him until the end of summer…) and those were dashed with his impromptu January arrival. 

Second, you need to roll with the punches.  I didn’t want to pump right away; I wanted to breastfeed.  I didn’t want to be alone in my postpartum room without my baby.  I didn’t want to leave the hospital without a baby (most traumatizing moment in my life!!!!).  But there are things we can’t help, and to dwell on them only hurts everyone in the family.

Third, mommies of preemies (and daddies too) need to make sure they are okay too.  It’s so tempting to want to be at the hospital 24/7.  The reality is life outside the hospital keeps going, so you need to too.  Food needs to be made, homes cleaned, bills paid, sleep, etc.  Striking a balance is essential. 

Fourth, staying optimistic is key.  I’ve seen so many sick babies now in the NiCU. Some with heart defects, others with genetic diseases.  Some with brain damage.  And then I look at my son, who is very tiny but healthy, and I have to count my blessings…things could always be worse.  I have to keep repeating that to myself.