Preparing to Go Back to Work after Baby

If you’re going back to work after being off with the kids, you’ll want to consider a few points before taking the plunge.  If you’re like me, you have a mortgage to pay and not enough financial freedom to stay home.  I’d love to stay home with the kids, but unfortunately I live in Southern California and have an insane mortgage.  I’m also a teacher, and in these days of cuts and economic turmoil, I simply cannot afford to lose my tenure, my schedule at school, and my spot in the district.  If things continue in this downward trajectory, I may not be able to find another job in the district for many, many years.  Also, my husband and I work at the same school, so we’d be losing that convenience too.  We all have our reasons why we have to go back to work.  Maybe you need the money like me, or maybe you have a career you really love and don’t want to give it up.  At any rate, here’s a few ideas to help you transition back to work. 

1.        Divide housework and errands with your partner.

When it’s time to go back to work, you’re going to find that it is increasingly difficult to keep up with the daily grind of life…in a different way.  I say “in a different way” in that I know how hard it is to keep up with life while staying home.  Going to work every day just adds new complexity to an already hectic life.  The best way to deal with drop-offs, pick-ups, dinner, cleaning, laundry, work, and spending quality time with your family is to divide the work between you and your partner (and your children if they are old enough).  This will not only alleviate a huge load off of your shoulders, but it will also make your household more efficient.  Make a list of everything that needs to be done in a day and literally divide it up.  Print the list and keep it somewhere handy for your household to reference on a daily basis.  You could also use your cell phone to give you and your partner reminders.

 2.       Give yourself a learning curve

It’s not going to be perfect right away.  You’re going from one routine to a totally different one—it’s not easy.  And it isn’t necessarily going to be easy on your children, either.  Take comfort in the fact that it will get better and smoother and everyone needs a learning curve.

 3.       Do a practice run.

To make your learning curve smaller, it is highly suggested to do a practice run of your routines.  So, a week or so before you go back to work, pretend like you’re going to work to get a feel of what time you need to wake up, how much time you’ll need to get prepared, how much milk to send with the baby, and any other invisible threads that may pop up.  If you do it for a week, you’ll be able to gauge what exactly needs tweaking in your routine, and you’ll be better prepared for it.

 4.       Find reliable, trustworthy childcare.

This is an extremely important component of going back to work.  You absolutely must find somebody and/or an organization that is dependable and trustworthy.  It’s hard enough going back to work and being separated from your kids, let alone having to go through that and worry if your kids are being taken care of properly.  Take the time to properly interview prospects, check references, take a tour of the place where the children will be watched, and do your homework. 

 5.       Come to terms with your decision to go back.

It’s going to feel weird.  It’s going to be stressful.  You will probably even feel guilty.  However, the more you come to terms with your decision to go back, the easier the transition will be.  See the situation as a glass half full.  For me, obviously I would rather stay home with the kids, but I try to see it from the other side of the fence.  If I give up my teaching job in this economy, I might not get it back for years.  I’ll be making more money for our family, have some time to myself to make a difference in the world, and I’ll still have a fantastic family schedule.  When I focus on the benefits I don’t feel as much guilt. 

 6.       Develop routines and structure.

The only way to run a tight ship is to implement routines and structure into your daily life.  It is particularly helpful to plot out your day and schedule on a calendar.  Literally penning in what you need to be doing at what hour of the day.  Kids thrive on routines anyway, so it will only help your family become more organized and efficient. 

Organization and pulling everyone on board to create a more efficient family is essential in your plans of going back to work.  Try to get so efficient that you’ll have a lot of time after work to spend quality time with the kids.  Who knows…you may actually start spending more quality time with them while you’re working than you did when you are at home.  I find that I get more things done when I’m busy, and when you don’t have a lot of something (time), you tend to cherish it a lot more. 

My going back to work checklist:  finalize childcare, pump and build up milk supply, and work on fine tuning the routines.

How to Be a More Productive Mommy

Do you ever feel like you’re never going to catch up?  Like you never have time to do the things you want to do?  The kids are sucking up every last second of your time and you feel like you’ve been skyrocketed to some foreign planet with no way home.   The sink is piled high with dishes, the laundry needs to get done, and you haven’t even had time to put your deodorant on for the day let alone get dressed or brush your hair. 

If you have felt this way, you’re not alone.  I feel this way from time to time.  And the more you feel like you’ve lost control, the more you think about it and dwell on it, the more helpless you feel. 

If you feel like you can’t get yourself together, take a deep breath and embrace the wonderful little trick of resetting. 

• Make a to-do list with a twist.  Instead of compiling a long laundry list of things to do, make columns:  most important, important, and least important.  Prioritize your list by putting tasks in the appropriate column.  I like to do mine on the computer for quick and easy editing, and easy printing. 
• Designate guilt-free time.  This means setting aside at least an hour a day doing something you want to do with no guilt.  No doing chores, no doing what your husband or kids want.  YOU time.  Trust me, you will absolutely love this.  Now, if you have small kids and/or babies you know that “you time” can be very tricky.  It’s all about squeezing it in according to your family’s schedule.  So for me, my baby goes to sleep around 9-10PM each night.  I can squeeze an hour of me time at night.  He also naps in the morning, so I can steal an hour then too while my husband watches the 7-year old.  Or, if you have a real sweetie pie of a husband, he can take the kids during the day for an hour to the park, on a walk, wherever and give you an hour of time to yourself.  I know what you may be thinking.  “I could never do that.”  I had that defeatist attitude too.  But if you put your mind on doing it and make it a priority, you will get that hour of time.  Remember, a happy mommy is a happy family.
• Sit down with your husband and make a schedule.  I fought this one for a long time.  I didn’t like the idea of a rigid schedule (something my husband thrives off of) and the thought of unexpected events throwing off a schedule made me frustrated to no end.  Here’s the deal:  a schedule is a backbone of your day.  It doesn’t have to be followed precisely, but if you even followed it 40% of the time you’d be doing better than the days when you are disoriented, disorganized, and unproductive.  The good news is that kids thrive with routine, which is something a schedule lends itself to.  Give it a try.
• If you find yourself in a slump, do something inspiring.  Right then and there—stop the dishes and laundry and give yourself a pick-me-up.  Maybe you have a certain song that pumps you up.  Maybe it’s a book, a poem, going for a job, or a conversation with a special person.  For me, a good movie pumps me up and gets me all inspired. 
• Make a list of goals, and then plan how you will accomplish them.  I like to make lists.  I’m the to-do list queen.  I also like to map out my plans.  But if you are allergic to this kind of OCD behavior, give this a try.  Every day, make a list of 3 things you want to accomplish.  Keep it short and sweet.  If you do more, great.  All the better.  Keep it to 3 things.  Write it down.  And then…do them.  Action is the most important step. 

Here’s my list for today:  1)  get side dishes together and enjoy a fabulous 4^th of July bbq, 2) straighten up the house, and 3) write a thousand words on a story I’m working on. 

I don’t include the obvious goals I have for myself, like be a great mother, health, etc. 

By creating a simple list of three goals, you will find that you aren’t overwhelmed and actually more likely to accomplish them.  A mistake people make is make a huge long list of this and that, and when they go to try to get something done they become paralyzed.  Keep it simple…3 simple goals.  I’ve got 1 ½ of mine done already and it’s only 10AM. 

You will feel so empowered and good about yourself when you become more productive.  Remember the basic law of physics:  an object in motion stays in motion.  The more you get done, the more you find yourself able to get other stuff done.    The more you lay around being inert and feeling sorry for yourself, the less you will be able to do. 

Do not have a defeatist attitude!  You can do whatever you set your mind on.  I know that sounds cliché, but it’s so true. 

And as busy mothers in the same boat, we need to inspire each other and pump each other up.  We need to not only be good mommies, but also good wives, good human beings, good INDIVIDUALs who have our own passion, hobbies, and interests aside from play dates and housework.  Mommies need to inspire each other and set great examples to become well-rounded, happy mommies. 

Seriously…I dare you to give it a try.  I’d be happy to give you a kick in the bum if you’re having trouble getting yourself in motion.

Play Dates: 5 Tips for Successful Ones

My friend is a teacher too, so we have big plans of weekly play dates with our boys (who happen to be a month apart in age) this summer.  We decided to make concrete plans, because you know how it goes…you say you’ll do something…something comes up…you know the drill.  Play dates are not only fun for the kids, but also great for mommies, who can have a chance to get out and spend time with friends who will understand things like diaper changes, melt downs, and scheduling activities around your husband’s work hours.

But as fun as they can be, play dates can also be problematic if they aren’t approached and handled appropriately.

Here are a few tips when coordinating play dates:

1.  Create a Google Calendar that everyonewho is  participating can contribute to and edit.  This will help you coordinate busy schedules, and is a great way to share a calendar.
2. Pick a date and time that you’ll meet each week.  Having an established commitment will make it more likely that you’ll keep those plans.
3. Alternate where you meet.  Friends will become quickly resentful if you continuously schedule play dates close to your house and they have to commute each time.  Be fair about it and alternate locations. 
4. Be mindful of different budgets.  It can be very awkward to have somebody else plan an activity that you can’t afford.  Pick activities that accommodate everyone’s budgets, with a few “bigger” ticket trips sprinkled here and there.
5.  Be Honest.  If there is something bothering you, or perhaps something that makes you feel uncomfortable, be direct.  Bottling your feelings inside, which is something we women tend to do with each other, can potentially destroy your fun play dates.  Take a lesson from the guys here and voice concerns immediately–in a respectful way of course.

Babies…the Movie

Butterball and I went to see the movie Babies yesterday.  It was the first time I attempted to take him to a movie.  I planned ahead, taking him to the 1PM show on a weekday (read:  only a few old people in the theater) and figured that the very nature of the movie would lend itself to a few cries and nursing slurping sounds if it happened.  He did very well…nursed a lot…slept a little. 

Now, on to the movie.  This French film follows four babies for their first year of life.  The babies are located in Mongolia, Japan, the United States, and Namibia. 

I was most fascinated by the Mongolian and Namibian babies, since their lives were drastically different from our own.  The babies spent a lot of time on their own, playing independently or interacting with their siblings.  The Mongolian baby had roosters climbing on his bed and a goat drinking out of his bath water.  He played with a jug near where his parents were gutting an animal and sucked on a piece of lard held together by a match for a pacifier.  The Namibian baby (I still don’t know if it was a girl or a boy…they all had shaved heads) had rocks, sticks, and bones for entertainment, which the baby picked off the ground and promptly but in the mouth.  Both of these babies—the Mongolian one and the Namibian one—didn’t have toys to play with.  They were on their own for entertainment, and they seemed completely happy. 

That reminds me of the post I did on the free-range child.  Are we suffocating our children’s imaginations and creativity by constantly providing them their entertainment and watching over them a little too much? 

As always, I’m a proponent of balance and taking the middle ground.  I mean, I don’t want to be the parent whose kid got trampled to death by a goat.  I’m sure that happens.  It’s probably rarer than we think, but happens.  At the same time, I don’t want to be the parent who raises a co-dependent kid who can’t entertain themselves and be responsible and independent. 

I feel a sense of guilt every time I have to work and the baby has to entertain himself.  The Mongolian baby in the movie got strapped the to bed for long periods of time while his mother ran errands, so why am I over-thinking having my baby play on a blanket on the floor while I finish a writing project? 

In the end, the movie did help remind me that simplicity is not a bad thing.  I can’t help but feel that we muddle our lives with more complexity.

Traveling with Children: 14 Helpful Tips

Summer time for a lot of families means vacation time.  And, as we all know, traveling with children can be tedious to say the least. 

The bottom line is that you must be organized and you must attempt to anticipate the unexpected.  This can’t be done with a 100% success, but making every effort to anticipate invisible threads that may pop up on your family trip will help alleviate a ton of stress and chaos. 

If you’re planning a trip this summer, here are a few tips to help you get organized:

1. Make a packing list ahead of time.  Make a permanent packing list, as in type it up and print it out.  This will help you for all future trips. 
2. Plan your food.  This includes breakfast, snacks, drinks, lunch, and dinner.  Figuring out a budget for each meal will help you save money.  Also, if you bring your drinks and snacks, it will save a lot of money that would otherwise go to gas stations in the middle of nowhere that inflate the prices of their goodies.  Keep snacks somewhere with easy access.
3. Don’t overpack.  Creating a packing list will help with this.  We all have the tendency to throw your entire closet into the suitcase, thinking that maybe, just maybe you might need that shirt just in case you go here or there.  When packing for the kids, don’t go overboard.  I find that the more crap I have to lug around, the more stressed out I get and crankiness takes over.  Make it simple—only the bare necessities.
4. Ziploc bags.  I would buy at least a box of them just for the trip.  We don’t use very much of them at home because it’s not exactly green, but when you are in transit they can be a lifesaver.  I’ve used them for the following:  snacks, broken containers, dirty diapers and clothes, wet wipes, food, items I don’t want to leak, toys, and much, much more.
5. Hand sanitizer and wipes:  essential for keeping the germies off in high-traffic areas like airports, stores, tourist areas, etc.
6. Transit activities:  line up activities for the wee ones while you’re in the car, on an airplane, bus, train, or even just waiting in an airport.  Here are some ideas, but of course it varies by age:  coloring books, books, portable dvd players, music, legos, dolls, cheap camera, activity books from teacher supply stores, and bring a few fave toys that can fit in a small bag (or a Ziploc!).
7. Allow lots of time.  The more you feel like you are late, the more stress you will experience.  Get ready early and leave a cushion of time so you don’t spend your trip living in a whirlpool of chaos.  Vacation is supposed to = fun.
8. Camera.  Take lots and lots of pics!  Make sure you bring the charger and extra memory cards (put them on your packing list).
9. Take breaks.  Cooped up kids do not make happy kids.  Take breaks.  Wander around a bit and explore. 
10. Remember the potty breaks.  Take them to the restroom whenever you have a chance so there are no accidents in the middle of nowhere.
11. Keep a change of clothing handy for each kid.  If #10 doesn’t work out, or if the baby has a diaper blow-out…
12. Have emergency info lined up.  This includes health insurance information (what do you do if the baby gets sick?).  Also credit card phone numbers, copies of passports, etc.  Leave an itinerary with a trusted person, like your mom. 
13. Take a baby wrap or sling.  Much easier to travel with when you have a baby to tote.
14. Give the kids a set amount of spending money.  They WILL ask the hated question…”can you buy me something?”  This way, they get something, they have choice, and they learn a little responsibility.  You may want to give younger kids a daily amount, whereas older kids can get one lump sum.

Leaving the House…with Baby

We’re hosting a retirement party this Friday (tomorrow!) and oh my, running errands with the baby is a lot more difficult than I imagined.

And he’s GREAT…no crying, no fussing, just a happy, happy baby.  So what’s the problem?

Part of it is that lingering paranoia since he was a preemie and we’re still supposed to be careful with him.  I have my disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer always near, and I’m constantly dodging crowds lest  somebody sneeze or cough on my vulnerable cargo.

Timing is also an issue.  I have to make it home in time to catch L.P.’s bus.  Feeding the baby…thank goodness I nurse and there are no bottles to haul around on top of the already existing chaos. 

And then I always seem to not do something right.  Like…the time I forgot the stroller at the house and had to lug the car seat around.  Or the time I forgot my Moby wrap when it would have been perfect to lug Butterball around in.  Every time I tell myself that I’m going to bring the Moby anyway…just in case…and almost every time I ignore my own advice.  Sometimes I leave the house and forget to put my deodorant on or make-up, or even worse I walk around with toothpaste on my face.  I blame it on scrambled mommy brains. 

So today I have more errands to run.  Butterball has a follow-up eye appointment to make sure his vision wasn’t affected by his prematurity.  I have to go to a few party stores, craft stores, grocery stores…and hopefully I won’t forget anything.  We’ll see how that goes. 

And on the topic of planning parties…there is this half of me that wants to do a great job, and this other half of me that is overwhelmed by getting stuff done with the baby.  I guess it’s all about balance and doing the best you can.

My First Mother’s Day

One year ago, I wasn’t a mother.  I wasn’t even a stepmother.  This time last year, my then-fiancée and I were a few days away from getting married. 

A year ago, I didn’t own a house.  I didn’t even live in an apartment big enough to hold all of my belongings.  We lived in a teeny tiny studio by the beach. 

A year ago, I slept through the nights.  My head hit the pillow and I fell into a deep slumber until my pesky alarm clock rang at 5:45AM to get ready for work. 

A year ago, I took showers whenever I wanted.  I kept my armpits shaved and my hair smelling nice.  I wore make-up on a regular basis and dressed reasonably cute.  I had a body I could still put in a bikini. 

This year, all of this has changed.

And this Mother’s Day I wasn’t just hanging around to honor my mom.  This Mother’s Day was my day too.  I got to celebrate being my son’s mother, and what a beautiful honor to have.

One year ago, I was much richer than I am today.  In money, that is.  As cliché as it sounds, I am richer in love these days, but don’t have much to show for in the bank account.  That’s what I get for having a baby premature and having an extended maternity leave that destroyed all of my well-placed plans.  That’s what I get for wanting to stay home and take care of my baby for the rest of the school year.  Of course, I wouldn’t trade any of it.

But because of my current economic status, it makes things like gift-giving a bit more challenging.  I decided to beg the creative juices out of me to create something for my mom this year. 

Picture frame:  $1.99.

Paint:  we already had it

Picture:  $.15

Dinosaur decal: $.59

Wrapping paper:  free, made from a paper bag and decorated by my stepson

Total:  $2.73

Mom’s reaction?  Why, she loved it!

 

Farts, Poops, Burps, and Boogers

Every morning, I know my 4 month old son is awake when I hear a gentle rustling in his bed, followed by a giant fart. 

He’s so cute, I whisper to my husband, who surely thinks I’m crazy since I have spent my entire time knowing him recoiling in disgust from his gas. 

Seriously…motherhood has turned me into this entirely different person who now embraces bodily waste.  I’m a person who gets excited when I see my son’s face scrunch up, followed by some purposeful grunts and then a loud explosion in his diaper.  Yay!  Good job, Buddy!  Let me see what color it is. 

When he finishes eating, my husband and I eagerly await a burp to signal all is well.  When it finally comes, we’re full of praise.  Great job!  That was a big one! 

I have the delightful job of picking boogers out of the baby’s nose, and it has never grossed me out.  There must be something biological that gives us this ability to do gross things with nothing but love in our hearts and smiles on our faces.  If my husband asked me to pick his boogers, I would tell him to take a hike!  But the baby…no problem!  We can pick them all day!

But really, when did my life become about farts, poops, burps, and boogers?  Once upon a time I was sort of a primadonna.  A girly girl who liked to buy clothes and travel the world.  And now my resume includes interpreter of poop consistency and fart monitor.

And I love it.

Will my old self ever return, or am I gearing up for a lifetime of this?  I guess it will make my future stay in the senior home with Depends a lot easier?

WAHM: Work-at-home-mom

I’ve been absent for a while.  I started doing a few side projects to make a little money while staying home with the kids.  For all you working mommies, you know what I mean when I say IT’S TOUGH!  I almost think if you’re going to work at all it’s better to do it outside the house.  If it weren’t for my strong desire to stay home with the baby for a while, I’d be doing just that. 

Working at home is like trying to climb up a mountain made of sand: no matter how hard you climb trying to reach the top, you inevitably will slip back down. 

And if you have deadlines and you are working at home with a baby, expect the baby to want to be super clingy.  It’s amazing how moms perfect one-handed typing.    

How do you balance working at home, taking care of the home, and taking care of the baby?  That is the everlasting question.  I don’t think there is a solid answer. 

I eventually managed to meet my deadline, in between poopy diapers, spit up, cries, cuddles, bedtime stories, bath time, and every-two-hour feedings with one-handed typing.  The baby is doing great, the house not so much. 

But all is calm at the moment, and now I just have to wait for my next project so we can try this all over again.  Until then, I am going to continue my quest of perfecting this balancing act they call motherhood.

Easter Baskets

Happy Easter!

Am I a bad mother for not getting my 3-month old an Easter basket?  I figured he wouldn’t remember, and why should I introduce him so early in life to consumerism?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we want to handle holidays.  My stepson came to live with us just before Thanksgiving (he previously lived a plane ride away), and while you have the urge to want to lavish them with tons of goodies that will make their eyes pop out in excitment, there’s a practical side of me that firmly believes in delayed gratification. 

When I was a child, my parents gave us Easter baskets filled with goodies and candy.  It wasn’t lavish, but it wasn’t meager.  We were so excited to get our baskets and be able to use them for the Easter egg hunt.  My husband tells me that when he was a kid, all he got was an empty basket to use for the egg hunt (how sad, right??!!).  So, for our little family, I hope to aim for something in the middle.  I might add that my husband and I didn’t get presents year-round, only on these special occasions. 

My stepson is a different story.  He’s 6-years old, so by nature wants everything in sight.  When he lived with his mother, he was used to being thrown everything he wanted just to shut him up.  6 years later, he finds everything disposable and has an insatiable appetite for new “things” with a complete lack of appreciation.  Case in point:  he didn’t want to open his Easter basket today.  And he didn’t touch it for at least another hour or two.  Who doesn’t open their Easter baskets??!!  When I was a youngster, we woke up early and ran to our baskets, hardly able to contain our excitement. 

That just goes to show that presents in the grand scheme of life do not mean anything in and of themselves.  It’s the anticipation, the newness, the “first time”, and the mood and theme of the holiday that guides your emotions.  To spoil a child is to ruin this human experience for them.